It seems that from a very young age people generally have the need to fit in or belong. At this stage you have no idea what it really means except that it makes you feel comfortable and you perceive that you are loved because you belong. When you seek to fit in or belong you are actually saying I wish to be common.
Common:
Having no special distinction or quality, average, ordinary, standard, mediocre, lack of uniqueness
Quite often you may want to be common so that you do not stand out. Common people tend to criticize and pick on people who stand out. Often times there is a fear of being unique because of peer pressure to be common. Whether you're an adult or a child these pressures still exist. They affect you as long as you are not accepting your own uniqueness. If common people pick on and criticize people who are unique, why would you want to be one of them? To become common is the denial of self. As long as you're in denial of yourself and your own heart's desires to be whoever it is you are, life will always feel like something is missing.
Sometimes you may want to be common as to not stand out so that you can hide your true self. You may hide your true self because you fear the judgment of others. This judgment may be about how bad and wrong you are, or judgment of whether you are lovable or not. If you are extraordinary often you are treated as an outsider and feel like an outcast. This then is interpreted as meaning you are not loved.
When you feel the need to belong or fit in you might find it interesting if you change the words ‘belong’ or ‘fit in’ to ‘common’. After having changed the sentence from, “I want to belong” to “I want to be common” ask yourself:
“Do I really want to be common?”~ Notice the difference how changing the words from ‘belong’ to ‘common’ changes the feel of the statement.
No one truly wants to be common. The problem is that most people confuse belonging and fitting in, with being loved. You will find that even if you belong or fit in, it still is never quite enough. Why settle for common? Why not choose to be extraordinary with the ability to interact commonly.
Conflict within you usually occurs because you have a desire to be common and a desire to be unique or extraordinary. This is where you might be torn between wanting to fit in and belong or be unique and extraordinary. The word extraordinary is too threatening for some people because in society it is often implied that extraordinary is unacceptable and you will not be accepted if you are too different. It is also implied that being extraordinary is only for those who are special and the select few. The general belief that human beings carry is, they are not special, even though they want to be.
It's now time for you to choose to be extraordinary!
© Michael Cavallaro 2010
