Expectable Endowment

 by Arthur Doyle

If you’re anything like me, you are probably in the top percentage of “Awesome Gift Givers”.  There isn’t a friend that can resist our charming and unique gifts.  Recipients of our bequests open their packages as blubbering tears of joy trickle off their enthused faces as we pose in statuesque fashion.  We are the makers of creative memories and perpetual elation.   We are so great…  no wait…  I’m none of that.  As far as women go, I am horrendous at finding a decent present.  To me, gift giving easily becomes a prolonged over-analytical quest for unusual gift ideas which usually end up back firing and make me seem as if I have not given any thought to it at all.  And I refuse to accept gift cards as valid birthday gift ideas.  Besides, can you think of any other reason why the gift card business is still afloat besides being last minute gift ideas.  Nothing screams “Here take this and shut up” more than a gift card.  It is awfully impersonal and restricting.  Why not just stick a crisp bill in a card and call it the day.  Sure, you may come off as unoriginal but at least you won’t be cursed by the heir of your dreadful offering because there is still $2.17 in change on the card after being use and you can’t use it anywhere else.  “Man, I can really use a cool refreshing beverage right now but this vending machine doesn’t take a Barnes & Noble card”.  Buying a gift for women is tough but I suppose it works both ways.

                                    

     I was ease dropping on my girlfriend the other day and I over heard her friend talking about the perfect boyfriend gift.  Her friend said something along the lines of “I want to buy the perfect present for him but I don’t know what to get”.  That’s when I shouted “get him a new girlfriend”.  Men are generally easy to buy gifts for, minus the occasional prima-donna..  Get him tickets to see his favorite band or sports team, get him a phone upgrade, take him out to dinner and drinks at his favorite restaurant, subscription to Sports-Illustrated, National Geographic, GQ or whatever he is into. (Maybe Playboy…  Roahrrr).  The point is put a little effort in knowing your man and it should be a no-brainer.  And clothes should be avoided at every cost.  People like what they like and usually do not submit well to the taste of others place on them.  Trust me… 90% chances your sweater gift won’t be a hit.  You’re better off giving a gift card and we are all aware how fantastic gift cards are. 

  This past December was my girlfriend’s birthday and I bought her a women’s dream gift… a vacuum.  It didn’t go as well as I thought it would.  No, I didn’t do that… that would be silly.  I took her out and let her pick out the gift of her choice and then I just paid for it.  It was definitely a win-win situation but I can’t help but feel like I cheated her in some way.  Should I have put the extra effort in finding personalized gifts?  I would have to say yes but there’s no need to fret because there’s always next year and Christmas… and Valentine’s Day… and Groundhog’s Day, Columbus Day, etc.  The way I see it, I have plenty of chances to make it up.