Helping Children Overcome Fears

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Open
Give children information about their fears. Answer their questions about things like wars, death, hospitals, disease, etc. Knowing about things helps to make children less fearful (but not too much detail for young children).



Validate
This means listening to, understanding and not making fun of your child's fears. Respond to your children's fear or cries by reassuring your children that they are safe, and cuddling or patting them until they calm down.
However, while you show your child that you understand that her fears are real, it is important not to let her think that you are also afraid (unless it is genuine) because it will make her more fearful.

Encourage
Praise and reward your child when he makes a step towards fighting or confronting his fear, eg. getting closer to a dog if he is frightened of dogs. Help your child work out small steps he can take to overcome his fear, eg. first just look at pictures of dogs, then get close to a gentle puppy, etc. Don't force your child to fully confront his fear, but take it a small step at a time and let him know you are proud of him when he does.

Routines
These help children know what to expect and make children feel more secure and confident, eg. bedtime routines can help a child with fear of the dark. Prepare children in advance if there is to be a change of routine.

Control
Having some control of the situation often helps with fears.
Make sure your child has his own comforters, eg. dummy, blanket, night light etc.  If your child is old enough, ask him what he thinks would help him, or make some suggestions and let him choose. For example, if the child is afraid of burglars, he could check that the room or house is safe, with windows locked, etc.

Opportunities
Provide opportunities for your child to develop skills and gain confidence in her own ability. Confidence can't be developed on praise alone. It is success and being able to do things that build up a child's confidence.
Let your child try things that she can do, and then give her lots of support and approval. Read children's stories that deal with fearful events that children overcome. Provide times for fantasy play, dress-ups, drawings, etc., where children can express their fears and take control of them.

Model
Children learn most by copying important adults in their lives (using you as a model to copy from).
Show that you are calm and confident in the situation which is frightening to your child. Remember that children can learn fears from parents, and if you show anxiety in a situation your child may pick it up.

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