Helping Children Overcome Fears

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Open
Give children information about their fears. Answer their questions about things like wars, death, hospitals, disease, etc. Knowing about things helps to make children less fearful (but not too much detail for young children).



Validate
This means listening to, understanding and not making fun of your child's fears. Respond to your children's fear or cries by reassuring your children that they are safe, and cuddling or patting them until they calm down.
However, while you show your child that you understand that her fears are real, it is important not to let her think that you are also afraid (unless it is genuine) because it will make her more fearful.

Encourage
Praise and reward your child when he makes a step towards fighting or confronting his fear, eg. getting closer to a dog if he is frightened of dogs. Help your child work out small steps he can take to overcome his fear, eg. first just look at pictures of dogs, then get close to a gentle puppy, etc. Don't force your child to fully confront his fear, but take it a small step at a time and let him know you are proud of him when he does.

Routines
These help children know what to expect and make children feel more secure and confident, eg. bedtime routines can help a child with fear of the dark. Prepare children in advance if there is to be a change of routine.

Control
Having some control of the situation often helps with fears.
Make sure your child has his own comforters, eg. dummy, blanket, night light etc.  If your child is old enough, ask him what he thinks would help him, or make some suggestions and let him choose. For example, if the child is afraid of burglars, he could check that the room or house is safe, with windows locked, etc.

Opportunities
Provide opportunities for your child to develop skills and gain confidence in her own ability. Confidence can't be developed on praise alone. It is success and being able to do things that build up a child's confidence.
Let your child try things that she can do, and then give her lots of support and approval. Read children's stories that deal with fearful events that children overcome. Provide times for fantasy play, dress-ups, drawings, etc., where children can express their fears and take control of them.

Model
Children learn most by copying important adults in their lives (using you as a model to copy from).
Show that you are calm and confident in the situation which is frightening to your child. Remember that children can learn fears from parents, and if you show anxiety in a situation your child may pick it up.

Exercise their Knowledge Base

The U.S. Market of Fear

If behavioral finance teaches us one thing, it is that Fear trumps Greed. In fact, it's not even close. Fear is like the Harlem Globetrotters playing the Washington Generals. Sure, ostensibly it's a real contest, but despite the ups and downs along the way, we always know who's going to win in the end. The outcome is predetermined, inexorable.

Fear drives the market. Why? Because losing hurts more than winning feels good. Because the future is uncertain, and the default emotion in cases of uncertainty is fear. Because you're not paranoid, the Market really is out to get you, and fear is the greatest weapon in the Market's arsenal.

How do we fight our fear? With "reason"? Well, some people do. And by "some people" I am chiefly referring to Vulcans - the supremely rational beings from the eponymous planet who are not afflicted by such human weaknesses as emotion. (Then again, Vulcans mate only once every seven years, so you can see why emotions could be a big drawback.)

No. For most of us on Planet Earth, we are forced to fight the battle on an emotional level. Reason definitely helps, but only so far as it helps us reacquire our emotional equilbrium.

Fear is a poison. But there is an antidote - Control. Not actual control (which is irrelevant) but the belief that that you have control. Fear beats Greed. Perception beats Reality - at least where our emotions are concerned.

We have seen this play out recently on marketwide level with the recent actions of the Fed Charmain, Ben Bernanke. The market flagged due to fear. (It always does due to fear.) But the fires of fear were stoked in large part because one of the main sources of investors' (sense of) control is the Federal Reserve Board.

After months of hearing "Inflation remains our primary concern", investors began to wonder if the esteemed Dr. Bernanke really "got it". The Market was saying; "Does he understand our concerns? Does he even care?"

Investors were riding shotgun with the Fed Chairman on a dangerous road. They were concerned there may be a cliff up ahead, but they were even more concerned that the Fed Chairman was asleep behind the wheel.

The first shot of control was injected back in July when Chairman Bernanke acknowledged that the mortgage crisis (and credit crunch) were on his radar screen. (Whew! He's not sleeping after all.) The second shot of control came when he lowered the discount rate. (He's awake and he's willing to hit the brakes.)

People called his decision to lower the discount rate a "largely symbolic move". Exactly. Symbols are important, especially when the symbolic gesture tells people, "Relax. I'm on it".

The Market has been calling (or is it whining?) for an interest rate cut. And I, for one, think that would be splendid. But investors got something even more important. They got back their sense of control.

It's like the immortal words of Mick Jagger:

"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find you get what you need."

Toddlers

Young children do not have an understanding of size, space and time, so they may, for example, be afraid of going down the plughole (or toilet) with the water, or get upset when you leave because they don't understand what you mean when you say you will be back at 5 o'clock.

You may have to do things like bath your child in a bowl without a plughole for a while. Toddlers, especially 2 to 3 year olds, are often fearful. They have very powerful emotions, which they have not yet learned to control. Something new can be very frightening, even if we think that there is no risk to them.

Some toddlers try very hard to please their parents, and they can be very frightened if something goes wrong. They can also be fearful of other people's powerful emotions. A parent's anger or despair can be very frightening to them. It will help if you can look at what is happening in their lives and their relationships to find what might be making them feel strongly, and help them to talk about it. Let them know that it is OK to feel cross sometimes. Make sure they know that you will not let them hurt others, such as a new baby, or let anyone hurt them.

One of the ways toddlers deal with their fears – eg. at bedtime – is to want to keep the same routine all the time. They may want a drink in the same glass, the same story and the same number of kisses every night. This helps them feel safe.

Fears: Young Children

Parents often worry about their children's fears and anxieties. Children's worries and reactions to situations vary enormously. Most children will be worried and fearful from time to time. You can help your children overcome fears and to have the confidence needed to be able to face up to the hard things that will happen in their lives.


What are anxieties, fears and phobias?
Fear is a feeling that triggers a number of changes in the body. When something happens that a person is afraid of, the body prepares to either tackle the situation or to run away. To do this, the heart rate and breathing rate get faster and the person may turn pale, perspire, have an unpleasant feeling in his stomach ('butterflies') or feel shaky.


While fear has a particular cause for example, a person, animal, situation that someone is afraid of, anxiety is a more general unpleasant feeling, where it may not be clear what the person is worried about. A phobia is a really strong fear of something specific. The fear is much stronger than the risk of harm and it interferes with things the person wants to do.

It is normal to feel worried about some situations, and being afraid is the way we can be prepared to meet and deal with danger- it makes us alert and ready to take action.

Young children will be naturally fearful of some things, such as being separated from a parent, and they need to be taught to be fearful of certain other things to keep safe. The dangers of traffic and electricity are too great, and young children cannot understand them, so fear helps them keep safe- parents also need to keep them safe and not rely on fear alone.

When deciding whether your child's fear is a problem, you need to consider:
Is it reasonable for a child to feel this way?
Is the fear interfering with the everyday life of the child or family?

If a child has a lot of fears and worries, it is important to think about what is happening in her life. For example, is there illness in the family, are her parents having lots of arguments, etc? Sometimes phobias begin at a time of trauma or difficulty.

What Are You Afraid Of?

“The only two natural fears that humans have are fear of loud noises and fear of stepping off heights. All the other fears are taught to us as we grow up. All of the feelings of hopelessness, frustration, anger, guilt, bitterness, loneliness, have become assumptions we learned and we now live our lives based on. We are creating realities of fear. These fears come from the conviction that our basic hygienic needs are not being fulfilled: the need for safety, the need to feel worthwhile and valued, the need to feel loved and belonging. To calm the fears, we control, our spouses, our children, and ultimately, ourselves. If we lose control, the fears cause us to panic.

But all of these fears and the threats to our basic*hygienic needs are entirely in our minds; they are produced by the assumptions we hold that we learned as children. To grow to have bliss, we must face each of these assumptions and the fears they produce, one at a time, with the realization that we are eternal spiritual beings, unaffected by anything in the material realm.

Our assumptions that we will be unsafe, are unworthy, and are unloved must be replaced by the assumptions that we will never die and the spiritual beings we are can never be harmed. No tragedy can destroy us. No desire we have is important enough to make us frustrated and unhappy. No threat to our job or our health matters because we are simply having the physical part of an eternal existence, and we will learn from the tragedies as well as the triumphs. We can be blissful in the face of any circumstance in which we find ourselves.”

* Herzberg's Motivation-Hygiene Theory

We have basic needs (hygiene needs) which, when not met, cause us to be dissatisfied. Meeting these needs does not make us satisfied -- it merely prevents us from becoming dissatisfied. The 'hygiene' word is deliberately medical as it is an analogy of the need to do something that is necessary, but which does contribute towards making the patient well (it only stops them getting sick). These are also called these maintenance needs.

There is a separate set of needs which, when resolved, do make us satisfied. These are called motivators. This theory is also called Herzberg's two-factor theory.

Fear and Control

By Kathy Wilson

Fear has many uses. It can be used as a warning to keep you from entering into a situation that might hurt you. It can be used to motivate you away from something, such as a harmful relationship or a dangerous situation. It can also be used by others to control you.

How do people use fear to control others? When you understand what happens physiologically when people experience fear it becomes quite easy, as you'll see.

There is a part of your brain that exists solely for your survival called the "reptilian" brain, which is the original part of your brain. As humans evolved, our brains grew and other parts were added, such as the limbic system which deals with emotions and the cerebral portion which is the thinking part. This reptilian brain is located at the stem of the brain, securely protected by the rest of the brain. When all other parts of the brain are non-functional, this part will still be ticking away, assuring your physical survival.

When you experience the emotion of fear, your reptilian brain goes into action and the rest of your brain shuts down. The function of this part of your brain is to support you either to fight or in flight. When you are in the emotional state of fear, you have two choices and everything you do will be based on one of those choices.

If you're thinking, "Hoo haa- We're too advanced for that", remember the last time you were in a very disagreeable situation. Were you wanting to have a nice cozy, loving chat with the other person? Not likely. Probably you were wanting to get away from them and escape the uncomfortableness. Or maybe you were thinking how satisfying it would be if they got a comeuppance. These are flight and fight reactions.

Additionally, when you are experiencing fear, your entire body goes into fight or flight mode. All your blood is redirected to the parts that are needed for fight or flight - your heart, lungs, muscles, and your reptilian brain. The rest of your brain is left with only enough blood to keep it on idle, which means that you have no capability for rational or creative thought. It's all black or white, yes or no, good or evil. In this state you do not have the ability to think of alternative solutions to the situation. Only run or fight.

How ideal for the military! If they keep masses of people in fear and educate them in the many ways to kill other humans, they have a ready, willing, able, and non-thinking military force. This falls right into alignment with the basic premise of the military: follow orders without question (or without thinking). Whoever came up with the idea of using fear like this was a real genius. Just look at what they've created.

The polarity thinking that is created by fear can also be used very easily and effectively on the general populace by our politicians and other powers. Look at how our own country is divided right now by the fear that has been promoted by the current administration. They are continually coming up with new ways of keeping the citizens of the U.S. in a state of fear. The "security alert" with it's color coding is perfect. All they have to do is change the color of it to turn the level of fear in this country up or down, just like controlling the flow of water in a faucet.

What's the answer? First, get yourself out of the state of fear. In order to be able to think you need to be able to use the other parts of your brain. If you are having difficulty getting out of fear, here are a few things you can do:

TURN OFF YOUR TELEVISION- Especially the news. Have you ever felt wonderful, or even good, after you watched the news? Even the commercials are designed to make you feel sick and fearful.

Get in touch with the earth. Go for a walk without your cell phone or CD player and truly pay attention to the beauty that surrounds you. Notice all the things that are there to support you - trees for shade, all vegetation for oxygen, ants to clean up the minutest messes, birds to spread seed for more plants to grow.

Show appreciation to your body by giving it something nice - a massage, a cup of herbal tea, organic food, pure water. It will thank you by feeling more energized.

Don't hang around negative people or people who are being negative at the time. You don't need to absorb their fear any more than you need to absorb the fear from the news on TV.

As you begin to emerge from the state of fear and can once again think rationally and creatively, look at how you can create unity in your life instead of the polarity caused by fear. The world will thank you.

Scientists Study the ABCs of Fear

There’s a trick to panic attacks,” said David Carbonell, a Chicago psychologist specializing in treating anxiety disorders. “You’re experiencing this powerful discomfort but you’re getting tricked into treating it like danger.”

According to the WASHINGTON (AP): Science is getting a grip on people's fears.

As Americans revel in all things scary on Halloween, scientists say they now know better what's going on inside our brains when a spook jumps out and scares us. Knowing how fear rules the brain should lead to treatments for a major medical problem: When irrational fears go haywire.

"We're making a lot of progress," said University of Michigan psychology professor Stephen Maren. "We're taking all of what we learned from the basic studies of animals and bringing that into the clinical practices that help people. Things are starting to come together in a very important way."

About 40 million Americans suffer from anxiety disorders, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. A Harvard Medical School study estimated the annual cost to the U.S. economy in 1999 at roughly $42 billion.

Fear is a basic primal emotion that is key to evolutionary survival. It's one we share with animals. Genetics plays a big role in the development of overwhelming -- and needless -- fear, psychologists say. But so do traumatic events.

"Fear is a funny thing," said Ted Abel, a fear researcher at the University of Pennsylvania. "One needs enough of it, but not too much of it."


Armi Rowe, a Connecticut freelance writer and mother, said she used to be "one of those rational types who are usually calm under pressure." She was someone who would downhill ski the treacherous black diamond trails of snowy mountains. Then one day, in the midst of coping with a couple of serious illnesses in her family, she felt fear closing in on her while driving alone. The crushing pain on her chest felt like a heart attack. She called 911.

"I was literally frozen with fear," she said. It was an anxiety attack. The first of many.

The first sign she would get would be sweaty palms and then a numbness in the pit of the stomach and queasiness. Eventually it escalated until she felt as if she was being attacked by a wild animal.

"There's a trick to panic attack," said David Carbonell, a Chicago psychologist specializing in treating anxiety disorders. "You're experiencing this powerful discomfort but you're getting tricked into treating it like danger."

These days, thanks to counseling, self-study, calming exercises and introspection, Rowe knows how to stop or at least minimize those attacks early on.
Scientists figure they can improve that fear-dampening process by learning how fear runs through the brain and body.
The fear hot spot is the amygdala, an almond-shaped part of the deep brain.

The amygdala isn't responsible for all of people's fear response, but it's like the burglar alarm that connects to everything else, said New York University psychology and neural science professor Elizabeth Phelps.

Emory University psychiatry and psychology professor Michael Davis found that a certain chemical reaction in the amygdala is crucial in the way mice and people learn to overcome fear. When that reaction is deactivated in mice, they never learn to counter their fears.

Scientists found D-cycloserine, a drug already used to fight hard-to-treat tuberculosis, strengthens that good chemical reaction in mice. Working in combination with therapy, it seems to do the same in people. It was first shown effective with people who have a fear of heights. It also worked in tests with other types of fear, and it's now being studied in survivors of the World Trade Center attacks and the Iraq war.

The work is promising, but Michigan's Maren cautions that therapy will still be needed: "You're not going to be able to take a pill and make these things go away."

When it comes to ruling the brain, fear often is king, scientists say.
"Fear is the most powerful emotion," said University of California Los Angeles psychology professor Michael Fanselow.

People recognize fear in other humans faster than other emotions, according to a new study being published next month. Research appearing in the journal Emotion involved volunteers who were bombarded with pictures of faces showing fear, happiness and no expression. They quickly recognized and reacted to the faces of fear- even when it was turned upside down.

"We think we have some built-in shortcuts of the brain that serve the role that helps us detect anything that could be threatening," said study author Vanderbilt University psychology professor David Zald.

Other studies have shown that just by being very afraid, other bodily functions change. One study found that very frightened people can withstand more pain than those not experiencing fear. Another found that experiencing fear or merely perceiving it in others improved people's attention and brain skills.

To help overcome overwhelming fear, psychologist Carbonell, author of the "Panic Attacks Workbook," has his patients distinguish between a real threat and merely a perceived one. They practice fear attacks and their response to them. He even has them fill out questionnaires in the middle of a fear attack, which changes their thinking and causes reduces their anxiety.

That's important because the normal response for dealing with a real threat is either flee or fight, Carbonell said. But if the threat is not real, the best way to deal with fear is just the opposite: "Wait it out and chill."

Want more info?

Check out this Harvard Med publication that pretty much sums up our lives, if your not consciously living.

Fear. . .or Fear Not